azbottle

Harbottle Castle is a ruined medieval castle situated at the west end of the village of Harbottle, Northumberland, England, 9 miles west-north-west of Rothbury overlooking the River Coquet.

In 1515, Margaret Tudor, the widowed queen of King James IV of Scotland and sister of King Henry VIII of England, having been banished by the regent, John Stewart, Duke of Albany, came to the castle with her second husband, Archibald Douglas, 6th Earl of Angus. There, their daughter was born, who was also called Margaret. Margaret Douglas was to become the mother of Lord Darnley, the second husband of Mary, Queen of Scots, and grandmother of King James VI of Scotland and I of England. Further building work took place between 1541 and 1551 and more repairs were made in 1563.

Captain John Harbottle was born in England in like 1779 or something and did a bunch of cool shit. He sailed as part of one of Captain Cook’s expedition to the South Pacific as First Mate on the H.M.S Jackal and did some more really cool shit while he was on that ship. But the coolest was probably when this one time , after saling to the Sandwich Islands (that’s what they called Hawaii. they must have made some killer subs or some shit) but anyway, while he was there, he met this Hawaiian chick that he thought was pretty hot. Her name was Papapaunaupu (no kidding, that was her real name). But she had a pretty nasty husband, who was Chief of the island they lived on, and she really didn’t dig him that much. He was always starting fights and wars and stuff with the other islands . Her dad, Kamehameha, was actually Chief on another island too! One of the times Papapaunaupa’s crappy husband decided to attack onther islands, John Habottle got hurt real bad. So bad, he alomst died. He did manage to kill her mean husband before he got all jacked up by him though. She was so happy that her mean jack-wagon of a husband was dead that Papapaunaupu took John in and nursed him back to health and ended up falling in love with him. So Kamehamehansaid, “You know what? You should marry that awesome John guy! He seems pretty cool. Plus, he’s got a great job on the military. I’ll bet he could be good to have around.” And she was like, “Yeah”, So she did. John ended up doing a bunch of even cooler shit with his new bestie, Kamehameha. John helped Kamehameha defeat all of the other nasty war-loving Chiefs and unite all of the islands, making Kamehameha become the very first king of the new counrty, Hawaii and everyone loved him nd thier new kick-ass country. Kamehameha was so happy that John helped him become King, that he gave John his very own island to live on and made him part of the royal court. So, from the first day of the first king, to the last day of the last monarch, when Queen Liliʻuokalani was overthrown by the United States and tossed in prison because she wouldn’t just give her county away to a bunch of assholes, there was always a Harbottle by the side of the King or Queen. Everyone in Hawaii was pretty pissed that their Queen was arrested. The Harbottles were especially pissed! So they said, “Fuck this!” left, and never returned to Hawaii. Then, over a centutry later, we opened this bitchin’ brewery named after our great-great-great-great-great-great grandpappy, Johnny who helped form a county. Now we make kick-ass beer in his name. because we think he was pretty cool”

Incorrect information? Please let us know!

Google map to Harbottle Brewing Company

Incorrect information? Please let us know!

Other photographs for Harbottle Brewing Company